Help with a female muslim friend, please

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2021.10.16 11:23 MicaXYZ Help with a female muslim friend, please

I have a female Asian friend who is muslim. Her family sent her to the West to study and work. Her parents seem to be really kind people. They are religious but in a very modest, decent way it seems. We just recently met up and she faces many problems which I see related to her being muslim. I want to help but am a bit confused how I can do that and if I should do anything at all.
She doesn't wear hijab and is highly educated but religion is still important to her. She says all this blah blah blah stuff from YouTube videos, that Islam is the best and special and perfect and she feels so much guilt for not meeting the standards of what the Islamic God would expect from her. E.g. she smokes cigarettes but blames herself for it. Not because of health issues but because for her it's like being weak before God.
And she wrestles with the fact that she is in her early thirties and has an UAE boyfriend for more than 5 years now but they are not married. They have had sex which is very difficult for me to understand because I fear that this guy is not serious because how can he claim to be religious but sleep with her without being married. He sends her all this videos on YouTube about how superior Islam is but still calls himself a scientific guy. He claims he cannot marry until he has a certain amount of money saved and reached some goals in work because he would also have to bring his parents to the West for marriage... What do you guys think about that attitude?
My friend says they are close, he once told her that he feels her being his soulmate and wants to know from me what it means if a guy says something like that. But then she also told me that he behaves like a 'typical' man (whatever that means but for me it raises red flags if a woman says it in 'that' way) and appologizes it right away with the claim that 'women are so emotional and soft' other than men which is something she knows from the Quran. But she also told me that they at times had cried together about stuff and cared for each other emotionally. He is not very supportive of her currently being unemployed and rather mocks her for it. As I said, she is highly educated but she also is a bit, well, chilled about things often. But I don't know, maybe this is because of low self esteem and highly conflicting opinions in her head. While she is told that a women is some sort of soft creature made to love a man and have children, being supported by the man in all ways of life, she is also expected to be a modern woman, be strong and be able to support herself.
I get frustrated because on one hand she is such a strong and intelligent women but on the other hand she tries to fulfil all these religious rules. Because she feels depressed at the moment she prays 5 times a day and studies the Quran to get answers... But the answers are obvious, she needs to take her life into her hands and demand things instead of 'inshallah', sorry, I don't know how to put it otherwise.
I would love her to break free of that. But I don't want to insult her spirituality. In our talk, I tried to strengthen her and told her, she could take the best out of any religion but then form her own individual view of spirituality and follow her own rules. But she is so much convinced of that Islamic God, that life is a test and that she will be judged at the end. I mean, I was impressed by the deep feeling I got when she expressed to me how this God will know her individually and that in Islam if you forgive yourself, then God will forgive you or something like that. There was so much passion in that. Still, in my view she wastes time and may get hurt on the long run.
I challenged her a bit with some things I read on this subreddit - I raised the topic of slaves, but she gave the answer that slavery is not allowed and something about freeing a slave which sounded like an argument straight from one of these YouTube videos. I asked her what would happen if she found out that Mo was a bad guy in some ways but she excused it with no human being is perfect and Mo will deal with that with God personally, it's none of her business. When I tried to challenge the Quran as being given by Mo who maybe was a flawed human being and therefore could have made mistakes, she said Mo was illiterate which is proof that it was the word of God he gave because he wasn't capable of making up something that profound himself. Although I thought I was well prepared for that conversation because I read a lot here on this sub and watched many Exmuslim videos, I just didn't know how to refute these ideas without insulting her or triggering her defensive mode. It's such a weird thing, really.
I was tempted to send her some videos of Infidel Noodle or something... Do you guys think that's a good idea or is it none of my business and I should just wait until she expresses some doubt.
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Link to live stream: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-3pHBPXnr0
*Warning: this is not 100%, neither me or LTFPL should be held accountable*
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Leaves?
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I was just wondering what he says.
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