2022.01.21 07:22 ScaredandHungry Is This Normal?
I (f/30) am surrounded by people in my life who have never had a real or normal heartbreak. They are either extremely toxic or went out for like a month or married their high school sweethearts. I just want to tell my break up story and ask – is this normal? Is this what it’s like for everyone when it’s not an extreme circumstance? Or is this unusual? Because it feels like my world fell apart and no one can relate.
It’s been a year since we broke up – almost to the day. We were together for two and a half years – lived together for 11 months during the pandemic (I had my own apartment but chose to move in temporarily with him when covid started.) He (m/30) had a history of depression and anxiety issues, but had been doing ok.... actually he told me much later he had some of the happiest moments in his life with me. We were comfortable around each other – but we were stuck in a tiny apartment surviving 2020 together and his roommates slowly started driving me crazy, though I didn’t complain... much. His roommate would just blast his Bill Burr podcast all hours during the day – no headphones and loud enough to hear clearly through walls. That kind of stuff. I consider myself a pretty chill person though so it wasn’t a huge deal... just annoying enough to know I would be moving first chance I got.
We were both surviving but maybe not thriving. We would do our own activities during the day, me in the living room, him at his desk in his tiny room, and then come together in the evenings- and later I even went to work again. When their lease was coming up 2021, I wanted to get our own place since we were living in a walk-in closet. Plus his roommate and his girlfriend wanted to move in together officially too. He said he had to think about it – which I understood. It’s a big decision to actually move in together even though I had already thrown my life upside down to make his life easier by moving in with him.
So he went for a walk to think and when he came back and he said let’s do it, and let’s get another dog! I was over the moon. I actually cried a bit. For backstory- I was the one that said I love you first 6 months in and he couldn’t say it back right away. He had always been more hesitant to show affection so this cast away all of my last doubts. We had already had the kid talk and were on the same page and he kind of had hinted at getting married during the 10 months – so this was now officially my person. I didn’t say that out loud or anything weird though. But for someone who always said I didn’t care about that stuff... I did secretly look up wedding dresses for the first time in my life. Then two days later when I’m showing him some apartment options I’d found he was acting really strange and said he wasn’t sure again.
We talked about it and he said I sometimes drive him crazy, but couldn’t really put a finger on how. He told me he wasn’t even sure if he loved me. Since we were both kind of in shock at how the evening turned, we went to sleep and when I woke up he had gone on his walk to think. He was gone for hours. How could it take hours to figure out if you love someone after 2 and a half years? I started to pack up my stuff. I’ve always been a very independent person and to suddenly be shaking as I tried to leave someone was scary for me. I wanted him to come back and stop me. I went so slow.
He missed me by 20 minutes. I went back to my apartment for a week. He begged me to get dinner so we did at my apartment. We tiptoed around each other and kind of made up. And then I asked him what his conclusion was on his walk. If I had stayed, what was he going to say to me? He told me he hadn’t made up his mind. His plan was to walk in, look at me and see what felt right.
I asked him what he thought now. He still didn’t know. I told him to leave. Then surprisingly he set up no contact. Within that same week my step-dad tried to kill himself and when I called him he answered but told me to maybe watch Netflix to feel better but didn’t offer to come over. In our last conversation a month later he told me that thinking of a future together filled him with dread. It wasn’t about having a family. It was me. He said he hadn’t loved me for the past three months. He said this all very calmly. I walked out of his car and THANKED HIM FOR THE RIDE, and then sent my first ever mean text with all of my feelings and name calling and set up no contact. It’s not really been broken since (except when he gave me back some stuff months later- I made his roommate bring it out).
I still don’t know what I did wrong – I gave him everything I had, showed him everything I was and it wasn’t enough for him. I didn’t even gain any weight or cut my hair or anything physical - not that he's the kind of a-hole that would care about that. Maybe I got kind of boring during lock down – but I would go on little hikes twice a day and he rarely joined. I asked him if it was the depression or anxiety talking, but after a certain point you have to take him at his word. I still have dreams that we get back together almost every night and then wake up and realize I’m still living in the nightmare. When I turned 30 I sent him a text apologizing for calling him a man child. He told me I was worthy of so much love and that he wishes me the best in life.
I still love him a year later even though people tell me he doesn’t deserve it. I figure he would reach out if he ever changed his mind. But it’s so hard not to send a text whenever I see something that reminds me of him. I've gone out with three other guys over the last year and none have worked out.
Is this how people usually get their hearts broken? Is this normal??
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2022.01.21 07:22 jiyannareeka 220121 Saerom 'DM' Fancam @ Music Bank
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2022.01.21 07:22 ykthebirdguy i need a woman who knows the difference between affect and effect
2022.01.21 07:22 NeitherIndependence Any six samurai player here?
2022.01.21 07:22 Crowe303 Think I finally got a photo worthy to upload here.
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2022.01.21 07:22 EagerBabygirl Just want to ride the train back and forth.
I'm thinking of the Pacific Surfliner in particular. Would love to leave from LA, go all the way to San Diego, back up to San Luis Obispo, and then back to LA. Sit in the observation car and work. I assume this is something that is frowned on by Amtrak, though.
Is there a legal, feasible, yet affordable (if such a thing exists) way to do this? Would I just have to ride one way out a whole day on one of the LA routes, get a motel room until the train going the other way comes, and go back?
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2022.01.21 07:22 Fair_Ad3427 Yosemite Falls
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2022.01.21 07:22 Sploshta I tried to tell the tkor comment section about the new vid, but all my comments were deleted
2022.01.21 07:22 nostalskellige M 34 🇬🇧🇮🇹
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2022.01.21 07:22 Professor_Dark AR55 [EU] A lot of 5 stars. Purchase through G2G Price: 160 Euros. View the rest of the account on G2G
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2022.01.21 07:22 MuskOnTOR Yayayayaya
2022.01.21 07:22 NeverendingIsolation Strange Cat Bug?
I was out adventuring, just ~200 blocks from home, where I had two cats I was breeding leashed to a fence post.
Suddenly, they both teleported to me, and brought their leads, which appeared on the ground next to them.
Is this because I didn't make them sit? I thought the lead disabled teleporting.
My next thought was that they took damage, so I rushed home. But there was no fire. And they're cats so they didn't take any fall damage.
What's going on? This could have been really heartbreaking or inconvenient if I was farther away from home.
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2022.01.21 07:22 psutta Tideman locked pair function , do not know what is wrong.
Check 50 says there is something wrong , but I tried the examples they provide and everything went fine , anyone knows why it keep says there is something wrong ?
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2022.01.21 07:22 1bir New Zealand: Close Correlation Between All Cause Mortality (RHS) & Vaccine Doses Administered (LHS) in 60+ age group
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2022.01.21 07:22 OilAdministrative197 Hows the PhD going?
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2022.01.21 07:22 Miserable_Alarm_7572 Need Help In Homework (in numericals)
There are some numericals in two subjects that I don't understand. One of it are from instrumentation and the others are from a petroleum subject. Help please
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2022.01.21 07:22 llif43 Suggest me teams for the abyss
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2022.01.21 07:22 ReportioHills Who remembers this card? This card is definitely one of my favorite cards of all time. This card was a cheat code 🔥🔥
2022.01.21 07:22 grilled-milk Cursed_brain
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2022.01.21 07:22 tovecat13 [Repost][Academic] Purchasing behaviour of cat-themed items (18+, cat owner/ cat lover)
Hi all the fellow cat lovers, I am a third-year Business with Marketing student, and I am currently doing research about cat-themed products for my final year project. Therefore, I am looking for cat owners/ cat lovers who are over 18 years old to participate in my short survey. Participating in the survey is fully anonymous and should take under 5 minutes to fill in. Thank you😊
To the survey -> https://greenwich.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/cat-survey
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2022.01.21 07:22 nftastronaut FREE ASTRO NFT! ⚠️ UPVOTE AND READ THE COMMENT BELOW 🚀
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2022.01.21 07:22 FairUnique51 Looking for note taking app with infinite canvas
2022.01.21 07:22 lazy_aka_me Beutiful
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2022.01.21 07:22 TifanyRS Can we get Tooltips on Powders please?
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2022.01.21 07:22 Remarkable-Cookie270 My wife's helldrake
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